WASHINGTON—The Marvel superhero universe just got a lot bigger and more ridiculous with the release of this summer’s guaranteed blockbuster, “Black Pander” starring Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi as herself, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer as himself, and the fumbling Jerry Nadler as the incompetent Dr. Evil.

“In a world where cultural appropriation is worse than waterboarding and virtue signalling is condemned, these lawmakers will break the mold and make absolute fools of themselves on a global stage,” the trailer voice over states.

Marvel hopes that “Black Pander” will rake in the dough as it will be the only movie that theaters will be able to show during the reopening of America. They’re calling the film industry’s first blackbuster.

“We want justice!” a crowd of African Americans yelled at the Black Panderers.

“No, no, no. You want criminal justice reform,” Pelosi condeccends wearing a kente cloth from her adopted ethnic home of Ghana. “We’re going to give it to you.”

SPOILER ALERT: Halfway through the film, the audience is treated with a cameo by Joe Biden wearing underwear for a face mask. He crashes through the door of an NCAAP meeting and tells everyone, “You ain’t black,” and then walks out. It’s a truly Oscar-worthy performance.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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