ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found he had sexually harassed 11 women, created a “climate of fear” in a “toxic” workplace and violated federal and state civil laws.

“Are you kidding me?” Cuomo said in a press conference. “You want me to resign for groping women? There are thousands of pictures of that pedo in the White House groping and kissing LITTLE GIRLS! You wanna resign me? I’ll resign youse! Fugghetaboutit.”

Biden has been seen groping and fondling girls as young as 7 years old though White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki assures us that everyone Biden has sexually assaulted “has looked 19.”

The #metoo campaign, which targeted Trump Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, says there’s nothing wrong with Biden’s actions.

“When you look at sexual assault, it really only matters if the assailant is a Republican,” #metoo Founder Jackie Ace said.

“And really, Cuomo did all this assault off camera. Biden’s was on camera, so it’s totally okay,” Ace added.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts