PENTAGON—In a surprising move that’s set to revolutionize both the military and reality TV, the Pentagon has announced plans to rename all of its F-35 fighter jets ‘Lauren Boeberts.’ This decision, officials say, is aimed at ensuring live 24/7 night vision footage of these aircraft from five different angles, providing a unique and riveting viewing experience and making sure none go missing from now on.

The Pentagon spokesperson, General Tom Maverick, stated, “We’ve always believed in transparency and public engagement. What better way to showcase the might of our armed forces than by giving each F-35 the name of a well-known congressional representative?”

Lauren Boebert, the fiery and frequently controversial congresswoman from Colorado, was reportedly chosen for this honor due to her penchant for making headlines and her enthusiastic advocacy for the Second Amendment. “It’s a win-win situation,” General Maverick explained. “We get to show off our sleek fighter jets, and Congresswoman Boebert gets a front-row seat to her namesake in action.”

Under the new naming scheme, each F-35 will be equipped with state-of-the-art night vision cameras that will live-stream their missions around the clock. This move is expected to provide viewers with unprecedented access to aerial combat, refueling, and occasional flybys of national landmarks.

Critics have raised concerns about the potential security risks of live-streaming military operations. However, General Maverick brushed off these worries. “Rest assured, we’ll have our best cybersecurity experts ensuring that no one can hack into the Boeberts,” he reassured. “And besides, who wouldn’t want to watch these babies in action?”

The decision has also sparked a race among members of Congress to have military equipment named after them. “I’m in talks to have a submarine named ‘Ted Cruz’s Crusader,'” revealed Senator Cruz. “Imagine the underwater documentaries!”

In response to the Pentagon’s announcement, Congresswoman Boebert expressed her excitement. “This is the greatest honor ever,” she declared. “Now, when I’m not busy legislating, I can kick back and watch my namesake F-35s soar through the skies, defending freedom and liberty in real-time.”

As the nation awaits the first live-streamed flight of a ‘Lauren Boebert,’ the Pentagon assures everyone that this innovative naming strategy will bring both entertainment and enlightenment to the American people. “You won’t want to miss a second of the action,” General Maverick concluded. “And who knows, maybe one day we’ll have ‘Boebert vs. Cruz’ dogfight specials.”

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