American Express has sent a fraud alert to every American taxpayer asking, “did you just try to spend $1.4 trillion in Congress this week?”

Evidently, hundreds of imposters have made a fraudulent purchase of nearly one and a half trillion dollars on may suspect purchases.

Some taxpayers received itemized lists in their alert:

“Did you really mean to spend $283,500 on Department of Defense bird-watching?”

“Did you really mean to spend over $10 billion on foreign aid to countries that hate you?”

“Did you really mean to spend $100,000 to learn about the mating rituals of iguanas on cocaine?”

The alert, sent in the morning was a literal wake-up call to the fraudulent spending.

“We need to do something about this identity theft and fraud,” Amex fraud investigator Horace T. Saver said. “It’s out of control.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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