WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has become the darling of the nation for its remarkable feat of doing absolutely nothing in the last 12 days. The collective inaction has sparked a wave of celebration from coast to coast, with Americans hailing their representatives for mastering the art of procrastination, bickering, and inaction while the House works on electing a speaker.

“No new spending bills. No declarations of war. I can really get used to this!” One relieved voter, Jerry Jabba, said.

Congress’ Grand Non-Achievements: As the nation held its collective breath, Congress managed to avoid passing any substantial legislation or making decisions that might affect the lives of ordinary citizens. This historic lack of progress has astounded political pundits and citizens alike.

A Triumph of Bipartisanship: In these contentious times, Congress’s ability to come together to accomplish nothing is being touted as the ultimate display of bipartisanship. Republicans and Democrats alike have discovered common ground in their remarkable ineffectiveness.

Promising Future for Gridlock: Political scholars predict that this newfound dedication to inaction will usher in a new era of congressional gridlock. With debates mired in stalling tactics and bills stuck in perpetual committees, the future looks bright for those who appreciate the glacial pace of government.

A Monument to Stalemate: Some have suggested erecting a colossal monument to congressional inefficiency on the National Mall. Citizens and tourists could visit it and bask in the glorious memory of 12 days when nothing changed.

The Power of Do-Nothing: As Americans reap the benefits of government doing nothing, the concept of a do-nothing Congress is taking on new appeal. Perhaps the best way to govern is not to govern at all, and Americans are loving it.

While critics argue that Congress should be working harder to address the nation’s issues, many are finding solace in the fact that inaction can sometimes be the best action. Only time will tell if this trend continues, or if Congress will revert to its more traditional pattern of… well, inaction.

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