Democratic socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is known for thinking outside the box (usually under the box and way under the box). But her new innovative approach to healthcare may just save billions.

While everyone’s worried about the dreaded coronavirus wrecking havoc on the country, AOC, isn’t worried one bit. She has a very cost-effective way to keep safe during this scary time.

“You know those CDs for antivirus software that they send you in the mail?” Ocasio-Cortez ask reporters in a press conference announcing the method. “I always thought, ‘what good is this thing just sitting on out kitchen counter? Well, did you know that they work super well with a rubber band?”

She demonstrated the technique where she strapped the Norton anti-virus CD on her face with the hole open for her mouth.

“I don’t know why they didn’t come with these rubber bands but it totally makes them work. But it’s important to use synthetic rubber bands and not use rubber that comes from fossil fuels.”

She admits that the thing looks funny but, “it’ll be worth it when everyone is dying and you’re out there fighting global warming still!”

The CDC says that there is potential in this method but is waiting for pharmaceutical lobbyists to weigh in before endorsing it.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts