In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads, President* Joe Biden has announced his decision to adopt embattled Senator Bob Menendez of New Jersey following the senator’s recent bribery indictment. In a heartwarming press conference, President Biden declared, “Bob Menendez is like a son I never had, and I couldn’t bear to see him go through this legal ordeal alone.”

The surprising adoption announcement came after Senator Menendez was charged with accepting lavish gifts and campaign contributions from a wealthy donor in exchange for political favors. Legal experts were quick to point out that while adoption might not be a conventional legal defense, it certainly adds a unique twist to the case.

President Biden, a well-known advocate for strong family values, expressed his affection for Menendez. “Bob has been a loyal friend and ally for many years,” Biden stated. “When I heard he was indicted for bribery, I knew he was family.”

The adoption process is expected to be a lengthy one, with both parties working closely with the Department of Health and Human Services to ensure all necessary paperwork is filed correctly. In the meantime, President Biden has reportedly been teaching Senator Menendez how to properly address him as “Dad” and explaining the intricacies of the White House’s Thanksgiving turkey pardoning tradition.

The move has garnered mixed reactions from lawmakers on both sides of the aisle. Some see it as a heartfelt display of unity, while others question the legality and ethics of a sitting president adopting a senator. Legal scholars are divided on whether this new familial relationship might offer any legal protections for Menendez in his bribery case.

In response to the adoption announcement, the White House issued a statement saying, “President Biden firmly believes in the principle of family values and is dedicated to supporting Senator Menendez during this challenging time. The adoption process will proceed according to all applicable laws and regulations.”

Biden has threatened the prosecutor looking into Mendez that if he’s not fired, they’re not getting any federal money here on out.

“Well, son of a bitch!” Biden was reported saying.

As the adoption proceedings unfold, political observers can’t help but wonder what other surprises the world of politics has in store. One thing is for sure: this unconventional family dynamic has added a new chapter to the already complex world of Washington politics.

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