WASHINGTON, DC—In response to former President Trump’s Space Force and just in time for Pride Month, President* Biden has launched the United States Gay Force and appointed Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine as the first Supreme Commander.
“I’d like to introduce the new Supreme Commander of the United States—what does that say?” Biden said at a brief press conference announcing the new branch of the military. “The United States Gay Force, oh.”
The US Gay Force will primarily be in charge of enforcing all pronouns and gay cake baking throughout the country.
“If you have a pronoun that you want to be called and someone says the wrong pronoun, then you call the US Gay Force. They will rectify the situation,” Biden said, giving insight into the new branch.
Biden made it clear that you do not have to be gay to serve in the Gay Force as even the Supreme Commander isn’t gay.
“You can be L or G or BTQ or any combination. But you can’t be a white male unless, like Rachel here, you identify as a ugly woman.”
The US Gay Force will be the first branch of the military to mainly be stationed within the US borders.
“The Gay Force will operate in other countries, protecting pronouns everywhere, but we need them here at home the most,” Biden added.
The US Gay Force will adopt the general military policy of accepting people who identify as good soldiers even if they are biologically no-skill fat slobs.