WASHINGTON DC—After numerous failed attempts of uniting the country as promised, former Vice-President Joe Biden revealed his new spray tan and blond hair-do in an effort to bring together a nation torn apart.
His previous schemes include permitting mass illegal immigration, increased gas prices, inflation, and refusing national voter-fraud investigation. When all of these failed to gain Republican support, strategists proposed copying his predecessor’s signature style.
Sporting his new look, Joe Biden gave a speech to twenty people, which is more than he drew during his campaign when he collected over 81,000,000 obviously completely legitimate votes.
With increased attendance, Biden’s handlers also told him to adopt some of the former President’s most popular catchphrases.
Biden told reporters via prerecorded message. “We’re going to make, um, the place, you now, that thing.”
Or at least he tried to try.