Biden pledges $300 million to rebuild the ‘sagging infrastructure’ of Maxine Waters’ face

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President* Joe Biden has pledged $300 million to rebuild the “sagging infrastructure” of Congresswoman Maxine Waters’ face, in an effort to address the urgent need for repairs and upgrades to the aging and deteriorating features of the outspoken and influential Democrat.

“We are committed to ensuring that the people of America have access to the finest in public officials, and we are proud to announce that this year’s budget will include $300 million to rebuild the sagging infrastructure of Congresswoman Maxine Waters’ face,” said a spokesperson for the White House, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

The announcement has sent shockwaves through the political and cosmetic surgery communities, with many people expressing their excitement and anticipation for the upcoming face-lift.

“This is a brilliant idea,” said one former White House official, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve always thought that Maxine Waters’ face could benefit from a little more support, and what better way to achieve that than by providing her with $300 million in taxpayer-funded cosmetic surgery?”

But not everyone is convinced, and many people are calling the $300 million face-lift a waste of taxpayer money and a gross abuse of power.

“This is ridiculous,” said one skeptical observer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “How can anyone think that it’s a good idea to spend $300 million on rebuilding Maxine Waters’ face? It’s like using taxpayer money to build a solid gold toilet.”

Despite the backlash, the White House remains defiant, and President Biden has vowed to make the $300 million face-lift a reality, no matter what the cost may be.

“I know that this is a bold and unconventional move, but I believe that it is the right thing to do,” said President Biden in a recent speech. “We cannot allow our public officials to suffer from sagging infrastructure, and I am committed to doing everything in my power to ensure that Maxine Waters’ face is restored to its former glory.”

In the end, only time will tell whether the $300 million face-lift will prove successful, or whether it will go down in history as yet another example of the government’s willingness to throw caution to the wind in pursuit of its goals. But one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish plan is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and political opportunists, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to take down one’s enemies is to simply make things up as one goes along.

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