WASHINGTON, DC—In a move that some are hailing as visionary and others as downright confusing, President Joe Biden has unveiled his groundbreaking border policy: the promise to close the U.S.-Mexico border once the number of illegal aliens in the country surpasses that of actual citizens.

The president, known for his knack for looking at the big picture, made the announcement during a press briefing. “Folks, we’re all about unity, diversity, and inclusivity,” Biden declared, gesturing enthusiastically with his well-worn aviator sunglasses. “So, when there are more illegal aliens in the US than citizens, then we’ll close the border. Simple as that.”

The logic behind the plan, according to White House insiders, is to create a utopian society where borders are obsolete, and everyone can revel in the harmonious existence of being global citizens. Critics, however, are scratching their heads, wondering if this is an avant-garde attempt at political satire or a genuine policy proposal.

Republican lawmakers quickly responded, with Senator Ted Cruz remarking, “I mean, it’s one way to redefine immigration policy, but I’m not sure ‘border closing due to citizen ratio’ will stand up in any constitutional debate.”

Meanwhile, immigration advocacy groups are cautiously optimistic, interpreting Biden’s plan as a revolutionary step towards a world where bureaucratic red tape is a thing of the past. One spokesperson commented, “Finally, a border policy that speaks to the heart of the human experience – we’re all just wanderers on this cosmic rock.”

As the nation grapples with the implications of Biden’s border calculus, one thing is certain: the border debate just took a turn that few saw coming, leaving citizens and aliens alike pondering the true meaning of global unity.

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