BALTIMORE—Following the disastrous shipwreck and bridge collapse in Baltimore, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has raised eyebrows by announcing his plans for a boating vacation next month.

“We have major problems in the transportation sector, from train derailments to airplanes falling apart to ships knocking down major bridges,” Buttigieg declared in a press conference. “But fear not, America! I have the perfect solution: a boating vacation.”

The cargo ship’s collision with the Francis Scott Key Bridge sent shockwaves through the city, causing the structure to snap and buckle before tumbling into the water in a spectacular display of chaos. Video footage of the incident quickly spread across social media, leaving many citizens questioning the competence of those in charge of transportation safety.

“I mean, what better way to demonstrate my commitment to maritime safety than by hitting the high seas myself?” Buttigieg remarked, seemingly oblivious to the irony. “Besides, nothing solves a transportation crisis like a little R&R on a yacht.”

Synergy Marine Group, the company in charge of the ship that took down the bridge said that it will keep hiring people based on diversity standards instead of merit.

“Our number one priority in the aftermath of this tragedy is to ensure that we get more of the diversity that caused the

Critics were quick to pounce on Buttigieg’s seemingly tone-deaf response, with some accusing him of neglecting his duties in favor of leisurely pursuits.

“Here we have a man charged with overseeing the nation’s transportation infrastructure, and his first instinct after a major disaster is to go sailing?” remarked one incredulous commentator. “It’s like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, except Buttigieg isn’t even bothering to rearrange anything.”

Nevertheless, Buttigieg remained undeterred, insisting that his upcoming boating excursion would provide him with valuable insights into the challenges facing America’s waterways.

“Mark my words, after a week on the open ocean, I’ll return with a fresh perspective and a renewed sense of purpose,” Buttigieg declared confidently. “And if any more bridges collapse while I’m away, well, I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Or, you know, not.”

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