NORTH POLE–US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was caught impersonating a Santa’s helper (also known as Santa Elf “Sandy”) in order to gain access to the Naughty List and add all Trump supporters to it.
It’s unclear whether any charges will be pressed.
“This constitutes a serious breach of national and world security,” Santa Spokesman Tinsel McGlitterboots said. “It’s absolutely a travesty and we’ll be ramping up our security measures to prevent something like this happening again.”
Many of Santas helpers said that it was a dead giveaway that “Sandy” wasn’t a true elf.
“I mean she’s little for human standards, but not for elf standards. She was like an elephant in the workshop, dancing around like a stripper. It was a mess,” Santa Helper Holly Picklepants said.
“And if you think ‘Sandy Cortez’ is a good elf name, you got another thing coming,” Picklepants added.
The Nice and Naughty lists have been restored to their proper names and will not affect Christmas.