Washington, DC—The political landscape has been rocked by the revelation that Big Balls, once known only in the dark corners of the internet for hacking into corporate databases to expose unethical practices, has now turned his sights on the federal government. His latest target? Waste and fraud within agencies like USAID.

DOGE, a group known for its aggressive pursuit of government accountability, found an unlikely ally in Big Balls, whose real name remains a mystery. Their joint efforts have led to the discovery of millions in misallocated funds, from overpriced toilet seats to phantom projects in foreign aid. “We’re not just rolling over corruption; we’re smashing it,” Big Balls declared in a live-streamed press conference from his basement operations center, his face obscured by a pixelated mask.

The latest polls from the Institute of Ridiculous Studies (I.R.S.) show Big Balls leading with an astonishing 91% support, leaving seasoned politicians grasping at their outdated policy papers. “It’s a sign of the times,” said Dr. Obi Wan of I.R.S. “People are hungry for change, even if it comes from a teenager who names himself after a novelty item.”

Big Balls’ campaign, if one can call it that, has been a grassroots phenomenon, fueled by viral TikToks and memes rather than traditional campaign ads. His platform? “Hack the system, fix the system.” He promises to use his hacking skills not just to expose but to implement real-time solutions to government inefficiencies.

Critics, however, are wary of a hacker in the White House. “What happens when he decides to ‘hack’ into our personal lives?” questioned Senator Talksalot, clearly out of his depth in this new political game. Concerns about cybersecurity and privacy have been raised, but Big Balls’ supporters argue that his track record is one of transparency and justice.

Internationally, Big Balls has become somewhat of a folk hero. “Finally, someone who speaks our language,” commented an anonymous tech enthusiast in Silicon Valley. Meanwhile, countries receiving U.S. aid are watching with bated breath, wondering if their next audit might come from a teenager in a hoodie.

As election day approaches, debates are expected to be a mix of policy discussion and live hacking demonstrations. Will Big Balls use his final moments in the spotlight to show how he’d “fix” the electoral system? Only time will tell if this is the dawn of a new era where hackers are not just the villains but the saviors of democracy.

In other news, cybersecurity stocks have taken a hit, while tech education programs have seen a surge in enrollments, with many aspiring to be the next Big Balls.

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