SEATTLE—In a groundbreaking turn of events, Boeing has announced that their planes are now officially trans-safe. This comes as a shock to many, as the company has had its fair share of safety concerns recently. But Boeing is quick to assure the public that their planes are not safe, but they identify as safe.

The announcement comes as a surprise to many, but Boeing insists that they are simply embracing the true nature of their planes. “Our planes have always wanted to be safe, and we are proud to support them in their journey,” a Boeing spokesperson said in a press conference. “We’re not just talking about physical safety here – although our planes are impeccably crafted and rigorously tested by the most diverse people on Earth. No, we’re talking about a deeper, spiritual safety. Sure, wheels fall off, doors fly off in flight, and fuel leaks are common, but our planes identify as safe, and that’s what really matters.”

Critics have been quick to point out that the company’s planes have been involved in several high-profile crashes and safety incidents. But Boeing maintains that these incidents were simply a result of misunderstandings and miscommunications. “Our planes have always been safe,” the spokesperson insisted. “They just didn’t know it yet.”

When asked how this newfound identity will affect the safety of passengers, Boeing simply replied, “Our passengers’ safety has always been our top priority. Now, with our planes identifying as safe, we can truly say that we are committed to safety in every sense of the word.”

Boeing’s announcement has been met with mixed reactions. Some applaud the company’s progressive stance on safety and identity, while others question whether this is little more than a marketing ploy. But one thing is certain: Boeing planes are now officially trans-safe, and they’re not afraid to show it.

In conclusion, Boeing’s bold move to declare their planes trans-safe is a testament to their commitment to safety and inclusivity. The company’s planes may have had their fair share of safety concerns in the past, but now they can proudly identify as safe. As the world’s skies continue to evolve, so too do the planes that traverse them, and Boeing is leading the charge with their trans-safe fleet.

Boeing CEO Jack Ace said, “If you deny our jets’ self-identified safety profile, you are a transphobe.”

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