BREAKING: Congress passes reparations in 1792 dollars, which comes out to be $0.89

Move over money, it’s now become, “White America is the root of all evil.” Why there hasn’t been anything white Americans have done over the last 200+ years that’s worth a damn. But at least now we can honestly say that at least we’ve made up for one mistake by finally passing reparations legislation.

There have been many things white America could have done to atone for the sins of Slavery. One such suggestion put forth by BLM was to simply sterilize all white male children at the time of circumcision. Sure, that would knock out the Jews but there would be too many others left to procreate so that didn’t fly.

An even better suggestion was to bring back white slavery whereby every black American would be assigned 10 white slaves. That seemed appropriate but once the new slave owners learned they’d have to feed and house these people it lost a lot of its luster and was thusly abandoned.

But finally, after much legislative haggling, the sins of the White man were finally erased by passing landmark legislation of a single payout to every black American citizen. A deep sigh of relief went forth across America as racial harmony was finally realized.

The term racist or racism would be forgotten and removed from the contemporary lexicon. MLK’s vision would finally be a reality.

Naturally the payout had to be adjusted downward to make it compatible with a payout to an actual slave. In real terms this turned out to be 89 cents. Some think this pretty much solves the whole racism thing. Some not so much. We prefer to be optimistic.