US—Massive amounts of previously uncounted Trump ballots have been discovered in key swing states such as Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Georgia. These ballots were unsigned absentee ballots stored in a random warehouse and added to the vote totals at approximately 4 am this morning, giving the edge to President Donald Trump in each state while poll watchers slept or were physically prevented from watching the counting.

Just kidding. That was the Democrats.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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