New Orleans, LA — In a plot twist that could only be conceived in the darkest corners of the internet or perhaps a particularly wild episode of “The Daily Show,” former President of the United States, Barack Obama, has allegedly come forward to claim responsibility for the recent New Year’s Eve terrorist attack in New Orleans. In an unexpected turn of events, Obama, now supposedly the mysterious leader of ISIS, made the bizarre announcement from an undisclosed cave somewhere in the Middle East, with the only hint of his location being the echo of “Yes We Can” reverberating off the walls.

According to sources that are as reliable as a chocolate teapot, Obama, sporting a beard that rivals that of an old-school, post-office Santa, declared, “I, Barack H. Obama, the secret mastermind behind ISIS, hereby claim this attack as a testament to my new career path. Who needs the White House when you can have a cave with Wi-Fi?”

The attack in question saw a truck, adorned with what was described as an “artistically drawn” ISIS flag, plow through the festive crowds in New Orleans’ French Quarter, leading to chaos, confusion, and an unprecedented number of questions about the feasibility of this new narrative.

Political analysts, trying to keep a straight face, have been quick to respond. “This is clearly a sign that Obama has been planning this all along, right from his days in the Oval Office,” said one political pundit, who was later seen laughing uncontrollably after the cameras stopped rolling.

The response from the public has been a mix of disbelief, humor, and a few who are convinced this is just another layer of the “deep state” onion. “I knew it! Obama was behind everything. First, he took our guns; now he’s taking our holidays,” exclaimed an anonymous user on a conspiracy-laden forum, perhaps missing the irony of their statement.

The FBI, when asked about Obama’s claim, responded with a statement so dry it could dehydrate a cactus: “We are currently investigating all leads, but we can confirm that Barack Obama is not, in fact, the leader of ISIS. Nor does he have time for such endeavors, given his schedule of writing books, playing golf, and occasionally reminding people he’s not in politics anymore.”

Meanwhile, social media has been alight with memes, with one particularly popular image showing Obama in a cave, captioned, “Hope and Change – Now with more explosions!” Another post humorously noted, “Guess he meant ‘Change’ in a very literal sense.”

Critics of the former president have found this to be the perfect ammunition for their next round of conspiracy theories, while supporters are busy crafting memes about how this is just another example of Obama’s legendary sense of humor.

As the dust settles, or rather, as the satire dusts off, one thing is clear: if terrorism had a sense of humor, this would be its magnum opus. But for now, New Orleans continues to heal, and the world continues to spin, with or without Obama leading a terrorist group from a cave.

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