Following a string of mass shootings, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has had enough.

“Welp, we were so stupid for so long allowing mass shootings to happen. Now that we’ve outlawed them, that’ll solve the problem!” Ocasio-Cortez said.

Citizens around the world are applauding the move as brilliant and innovative.

“I really wish we had thought of it!” LaQueesha Merit of Alexandria, Virginia said while shoplifting from a local convenience store. “We could’ve prevented all the mass murders here from happening over the years.”

“People are wondering how to stop mass murder,” Vito Corleone of New York said during an illicit drug deal. “It’s like, duh! Say dey can’t do it no more! Poof, problem solved.”

Other countries have yet to catch on that simply outlawing something is going to prevent it from ever happening.

“I can’t believe no one else thought of this,” Ocasio-Cortez added.

_{Originally published August 8, 2019.}

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts