BREAKING: Pelosi tests positive for COVID but is asymptomatic due to all the alcohol in her blood

GENESIUS TIMES

WASHINGTON, DC—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tested positive for COVID-19, according to a statement the California Democrat released Thursday, but is asymptomatic due to all the alcohol in her blood.

“After testing negative this week, Speaker Pelosi received a positive test result for COVID-19 and is currently asymptomatic,” her spokesman Drew Hammill said on Twitter. “The Speaker is grateful that all the approximately one gallon of grain alcohol she consumes a day has protected her from any symptoms of the virus.”

He added: “The Speaker will quarantine consistent with CDC guidance, and encourages everyone to drink as much as she does on a daily basis.”

Breakthrough infections have hit Washington hard in recent days, with vaccinated lawmakers and leaders announcing positive coronavirus cases. On Wednesday, Attorney General Merrick Garland, Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo and Reps. Adam Schiff and Joaquin Castro announced they’d all tested positive. None of them drink as much alcohol as Pelosi and have all suffered symptoms.

Pelosi’s diagnosis makes her the highest-profile U.S. government official to contract the coronavirus since former President Donald Trump, who doesn’t drink alcohol, tested positive in October 2020.

close

"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.