BREAKING: Elon Musk invades Twitter; workers barricade themselves on 8th floor, plead for Biden to declare ‘no buy’ zone


SAN FRANCISCO—Twitter employees at the Market St. headquarters stacked furniture, shelving and anything they could find against office doors, determined to keep Elon Musk from controlling Twitter.

Coding department manager Jason ‘Dataman’ Weintraub, tweeted a message of hope to the world that the San Francisco bastion of controlled speech would not fall.

Elon Musk issued a statement stressing concern that the once liberal enterprise had been invaded by ‘speech Nazis’ and would press on his assault. A 40 foot convoy of programmers were spotted assembling across the street supplied by taco trucks. All-electric porta potties were being set up close to Tesla charging stations.

White House press spokesperson, Jen ‘Last leg’ Psaki said that President Biden did receive a tweet for help and was considering a ‘no buy’ zone but stressed that economic sanctions against Tesla might be a tad tricky politically considering Musk is leading the fight to save the world from climate collapse. He did offer to place his son, Hunter on the Twitter board but he had to get the okay from the Chinese first.

This story is being updated.


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