VATICAN—Pope Francis has announced that he is personally excommunicating Kansas City Chiefs’ kicker Harrison Butker from the Catholic Church for being “too Catholic.” The Pope’s decision follows Butker’s commencement speech at Benedictine College in which he encouraged people to live the faith.

“I have reached the conclusion that Harrison Butker’s fervent devotion to Catholicism has become a distraction and a source of confusion within the Church,” said Pope Francis in a statement released through the Vatican. “As such, I have decided to excommunicate him in order to preserve the sanctity and unity of our faith.”

Butker, who is known for his unwavering commitment to his faith, has been a longtime member of the Catholic Church and has often spoken publicly about the role that his religion plays in his life. However, his devotion to Catholicism has apparently become a source of concern for the Pope, who fears that it may be undermining the Church’s efforts to be less Catholic.

“We must be careful not to allow our faith to become a barrier to the faith,” said Pope Francis. “While I respect Harrison Butker’s dedication to his beliefs, I cannot allow his extreme devotion to Catholicism to continue to divide and make horrible Catholics feel bad about themselves.”

The Pope’s decision has been met with widespread criticism from both religious and secular circles, with many arguing that it represents a betrayal of the very principles upon which the Catholic Church was founded. “This is a dark day for the Church,” said one prominent Catholic scholar. “By excommunicating Harrison Butker, Pope Francis has shown that he is more interested in political correctness than in preserving the integrity of our faith.”

Despite the backlash, Pope Francis remains defiant in his decision to excommunicate Butker, insisting that it is a necessary step in the Church’s ongoing efforts to modernize and become more inclusive. “We must be willing to make difficult decisions if we are to move forward as a faith community,” he said. “I am confident that this decision will ultimately be seen as a turning point in the history of the Catholic Church.”

As the Church grapples with the fallout from Butker’s excommunication, many are left wondering what the future holds for the embattled institution. Will they be able to overcome the controversy surrounding their decision, or will they be forever remembered as the Church that turned its back on one of its most devoted members?

Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the legacy of this remarkable decision will forever be remembered as one of the most bizarre and bewildering in the annals of religious history. And as for Harrison Butker’s future as an excommunicated Catholic, well, let’s just say that it’s not exactly what one might call a “sure thing.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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