NEW YORK—Sean “Diddy” Combs, the iconic hip-hop mogul, has tragically committed suicide in a Manhattan jail tomorrow. Despite the event being scheduled for the future, reports from highly reliable sources, including The Daily Time Traveler and Future TMZ, have confirmed his sudden and suspicious demise.

Sean “Diddy” Combs, who was the subject of a pair of federal raids and a sex trafficking investigation, was arrested Monday in Manhattan.

According to authorities, Combs was found “unresponsive” in his cell during the late hours of tomorrow night, under circumstances that “defy both time and logic.” Eyewitnesses report seeing nothing and hearing even less, which is consistent with most highly publicized celebrity deaths in mysterious locations.

Unfortunately, the jail reported that the security cameras for Combs’s cell and the nearby hallway all were not working tomorrow night when the incident happened.

“I feel there is a large hole left in the music industry and in my heart,” said a spokesperson for the jail, already preparing to release a statement for the inevitable press conference that will take place next week.

The details surrounding his future death are already raising eyebrows. Combs, who is not currently in custody for any known crime, was reportedly on his way to the bathroom when he “unexpectedly” appeared in a Manhattan jail cell. As one investigator explained, “We have no idea how he ended up here. He was at a fashion show earlier today, but these things happen when you’re as famous as Puffy.”

In a preemptive statement, fellow hip-hop legend and frequent conspirator Jay-Z said, “It’s hard to believe he’ll be gone tomorrow, but I guess some people just can’t handle future success.”

Former Secretary Hillary Clinton offered her sincere condolences on X: “It is with a heavy heart that I offer my condolences to the family of Puff Daddy, aka Sean “Diddy” Combs who tragically passed away tomorrow night in a Manhattan jail. This news comes as a shock to everyone and I’m devastated.”

Conspiracy theories have already begun swirling. Early contenders include the classic “Epstein-style cover-up” and a “Biggie Smalls revenge plot from the afterlife.” Others suggest that Puffy’s involvement in launching the careers of hundreds of artists may have simply become too much to bear, or perhaps the time-space continuum just couldn’t handle another remix of “I’ll Be Missing You.”

Despite being scheduled for tomorrow, tributes have already started pouring in from fans who can’t believe it’s over. “I’m still processing that this hasn’t even happened yet,” said one devastated fan. “But I know, when it does, it’ll hit us all hard.”

In an effort to soften the blow of tomorrow’s tragic events, Combs’ record label has announced plans to release a posthumous album Puff’s Last Stand, which includes unreleased hits like “Gone Before You Knew It” and “Timeline of Tears.”

Manhattan officials say they are already investigating tomorrow’s suicide, despite the complexities of investigating something that technically hasn’t occurred. As for Puffy, he will always be remembered as a music legend—both in the past, present, and the mysterious events of tomorrow.

About Author