BUTLER, PA—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for interfering with an official CIA assassination attempt on his life. The shocking indictment was announced earlier today, leaving political pundits and citizens alike scratching their heads in disbelief.

The indictment stems from an incident at a recent Trump rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, where an alleged assassination attempt was foiled by the Secret Service. What seemed like a routine security breach quickly spiraled into a convoluted legal saga as new details emerged.

According to sources within the Justice Department, the CIA had been covertly authorized to eliminate Trump as part of a classified operation dubbed “Project Democracy.” The mission, allegedly approved at the highest levels of government, was aimed at preserving national security by removing what some officials considered a “clear and present danger” to democracy.

However, Trump’s well-trained and vigilant Secret Service detail thwarted the attempt, apprehending the would-be assassin before any harm could be done. In a bizarre twist, it appears that Trump’s personal intervention in the situation – reportedly involving throwing a Big Mac at the assailant – is now being construed as “interference with a government operation.”

“By preventing this legally sanctioned assassination, Mr. Trump has obstructed justice and undermined the authority of the CIA,” stated Special Prosecutor Ima Leaks. “This kind of behavior cannot go unpunished, as it sets a dangerous precedent for individuals to interfere with covert government actions.”

The indictment lists multiple charges, including obstruction of justice, interfering with a federal operation, and unauthorized use of fast food as a defensive weapon. Legal experts are baffled by the charges, noting that this case could redefine the boundaries of governmental authority and personal self-defense.

In a press conference at Mar-a-Lago, Trump dismissed the indictment as “the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” He continued, “First, they said I colluded with Russia, then they tried to impeach me twice, and now they’re saying I can’t even protect myself from being assassinated? It’s a total witch hunt!”

The news has sent shockwaves through the political landscape. Supporters of the former president have rallied to his defense, claiming this is yet another attempt by the “deep state” to undermine his influence. On the other hand, critics argue that this incident highlights the ongoing dangers posed by Trump’s unorthodox approach to politics.

As the legal battle looms, constitutional scholars are eagerly anticipating the courtroom drama that will unfold. “This case will be a landmark in constitutional law,” said Professor Hugh Jest. “It raises important questions about the limits of presidential immunity, the reach of clandestine government operations, and the legality of self-defense against sanctioned assassination attempts.”

Meanwhile, social media is ablaze with memes and hashtags such as #BigMacDefense and #ProjectDemocracyFail, illustrating the absurdity of the situation. Late-night comedians have already begun crafting monologues around the bizarre premise of a former president being indicted for saving his own life.

In the midst of the chaos, one thing remains clear: the legal and political ramifications of this case will reverberate for years to come. Whether Trump will be exonerated or convicted for his heroic act of self-preservation

About Author