CHICAGO, IL — In a stunning reversal of their long-standing opposition to border walls, the Democratic National Convention Committee (DNCC) has constructed a massive wall around their convention site in Chicago. The barrier, which spans several city blocks, has led to a surprising realization among Democratic leaders: walls are actually okay—when they’re keeping out the right people.

“Let’s be clear, this is not just any wall,” said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison at a press conference announcing the new structure. “This is a wall of unity, a wall of inclusion, and most importantly, a wall of protection from those who might not share our values of open borders and free flow of ideas—except, of course, when it comes to our convention.”

The wall, which stands at 12 feet high and is topped with security cameras and razor wire, was erected almost overnight, drawing both praise and ridicule from across the political spectrum. Democratic leaders were quick to clarify that their previous opposition to walls was “totally different.”

“Look, the walls that Trump wanted to build were about division and hatred,” explained House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, as she inspected the new structure. “This wall, on the other hand, is about love and security. It’s about keeping out the very few, very bad people who might disrupt our message of inclusivity and tolerance.”

The irony was not lost on critics, who were quick to point out the blatant hypocrisy. “So, walls are fine when it’s for their own safety, but racist when used to protect the country? Got it,” tweeted one conservative commentator.

When pressed on the apparent contradiction, Vice President Kamala Harris offered her own unique spin. “You have to understand, this is not a wall in the traditional sense. This is more of a ‘vertical welcoming zone.’ People will be gently redirected, with love, away from the convention unless they are pre-approved to enter.”

The wall has reportedly been a huge hit among DNCC attendees, many of whom expressed relief at the added security. “I’ve always been against walls, but I have to admit, I feel really safe knowing there’s one around us now,” said one delegate, who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s amazing how something as simple as a wall can make you feel protected—who knew?”

Local Chicago residents, however, were less enthusiastic about the wall’s sudden appearance. “They preach about inclusivity and tear down walls, but then they come here and build one in our backyard,” complained one local resident. “I guess we’re not the ‘right kind of people’ to be included in their version of unity.”

Despite the backlash, the DNCC is standing by their decision, with plans to expand the wall-building concept to future events. “We’re exploring the idea of portable walls that we can take with us wherever we go,” said Harrison. “Because at the end of the day, walls are about keeping people safe, and who could be against that?”

In an unexpected twist, the DNCC has already begun selling miniature replicas of the wall at the convention’s gift shop, complete with the slogan “Walls Work—When We Build Them.” Proceeds, naturally, will go towards funding future wall projects for elite events, while the rest of the country can still expect walls to remain the ultimate symbol of oppression.

As the DNCC continues to redefine what a wall means in the context of their own security, one thing is clear: walls may be bad, but they’re also very, very good—depending on who’s building them.

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