Coastal elites panic as Botox shortage spreads from San Francisco to Washington DC

Pelosi: “How the hell do I know where all the Botox went?”

In a surprise move today, Nancy Pelosi has decided to memorialize her role as speaker of the house and has named herself ” Speaker for Life” claimed political activist and Chief of Staff, Fulla Botox.

The move came after a phone call with Chinese Leader Xi Jinping who asked if she was ever going to leave her Speakership to which she replied: “over my dead body” prompting the Chinese leader to ask if she had already been ‘pre-embalmed’.

Responding, in Chinese, was Pelosi interpreter and spokesperson Xi Passtaway saying that was discouraged here but was definitely going to look into it.

As Pelosi was considering her lifetime post, she contacted Melania Trump’s Isreali hairstylist and Makeup artist Sheeza Beaut who demurred on giving advice because she had no experience or license in Mortuary Cosmetology.

In a related report, the makers of Botox both Allergan and Abbvie were voicing concern about the predicted short term scarcity claiming that railway cars full of Botox were being re-routed to San Francisco for reasons unknown to the Company but causing concern among all Coastal Elites.

“No Botox, No Peace, Our faces need no Crease,” was heard throughout the streets of Manhattan as throngs of Nasty Women marched and chanted disrupting traffic and accosting Plastic Surgeons throughout all five boroughs.