DC city council outlaws ‘smiling terrorism’ after Covington Catholic incident

You’ve probably seen the video. A teenage boy–all 110 pounds of him–looking at a grown man and smiling. It’s horrifying and despicable and now requires a trigger warning to show.

“I mean, have you seen anything more disturbing than that cold-blooded smiler?” City Councilmember Joannah Fallon ask in a press conference. “This is clearly an act of white supremacist terrorism and we’re taking steps as a council to make sure that there are no more victims of crimes like these ever again.”

The law is being dubbed the Sandman law, named after the kid who committed the heinous act.

“There is precedence for this,” Fallon said. “Esteemed journalist George Orwell has reported that they have outlawed facecrime too in Oceania.”

People around the world have expressed their outrage and terror at the boy’s actions.

“He’s the spawn of Satan,” one Facebook user wrote in an attempt to dox the high school student. “I don’t support the death penalty, but for cases like this, I’d say it’s warranted.”

The victim of the attack, Nathan Phillips, said that he wasn’t harmed and that the kids didn’t do anything wrong.

But that’s not stopping everyone one earth from losing their freaking minds over the incident.

“Smirking, smiling, grinning, they all will carry hefty fines and potentially prison time. If you’re smiling while wearing a red hat, you’re definitely going to jail.”