WASHINGTON DC—With interest in the China Virus declining, Democrats are holding a nationwide contest to name new variants to reinvigorate the fear that allowed them to pass unprecedented legislation. The winner with the scariest name will claim the 2024 election season variant, the runner up will name the 2022 midterm variant and third place will claim 2023.
The Democrat Party hopes to repeat their 2020 success in upcoming elections with mail-in voting as enabled by the original COVID-19. With Wuflu fear waning, the party is concerned they may be unable to convince voters of a repeat process without a super scary variant name.
“We thought Delta would be a huge hit but people are seeing right through it,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters. “We need a variant name even more terrifying than the last administration, which is to blame for the poor selection of ‘Delta.'”
The White House is accepting submissions now through next spring, when the midterm election variant is expected to appear and scare everyone watching cable news.
“We have a lot of great entries so far,” Dr. Fauci told reporters. “Including the Orange variant, The Lena Dunham variant and the scariest in my opinion, the Freedom variant.”