Eminem sacrifices two goats to Moloch in annual Illuminati halftime show


LOS ANGELES—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show, featured an unprecedented number of allusions to the cult this year including the headliner Eminem sacrificing of three live goats to Satan.

“We thought the American viewership is especially ready for an overt sacrifice to Moloch during our annual initiation ritual,” Illuminati Director of Public Relations Lou Sipher said in an interview.

Previous Illuminati Halftime performers include MadonnaLady Gaga, and Beyoncé, but their consecration to the accursed one was much more subtle. The Illuminati worshipers pulled out all the stops this year, according to sources.

“We’re also expanding our reach and targeting the black community by having multiple legendary rappers like Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Mary J. Blige, and Kendrick Lamar perform at the ritual,” Sipher said.

This year’s performers are the first that have been selected since the NFL announced a partnership with Illuminati Treasurer Jay-Z’s Roc Nation.

The partnership was to help produce the entertainment at the Super Bowl and other prominent NFL events and support the league’s social activism campaign, Inspire Depopulation.


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