A historic spacewalk was scheduled to occur this week, with only women operating outside the ISS for the first time ever. But after several delays, the first-ever all-female spacewalk has been cancelled because the participants “couldn’t find the perfect outfit.”
“We asked them if they were ready,” NASA operations director Chris Walken said, “and they kept saying they were almost ready, but after two hours of delays, the walk was cancelled.”
The astronauts, Essie Trojan and Kim Possible, were extremely frustrated with the ordeal.
“I clearly said that I would be ready in five minutes,” Trojan said, “and just asking me every five minutes is only going to make it longer.”
“Well we didn’t want to look all matchy-matchy,” Possible said. “This was a historic event and we wanted everything to be perfect. So sue me if we were a little late!”
“I kept reminding them that everyone was waiting and that we were going to be really late,” Walken said. “After an hour I just gave up and started drinking beer.”
“At one point a made a big mistake and suggested that Essie try the next size up for the space suit. Boy was that stupid! She started throwing space debris at me and hasn’t spoken to me since.”
Walken said, “That’s one small step back for woman. One giant leap back for womankind.”