CANADA–Restaurants across the country are updating their menus to identify their freedom fries by the more modern progressive term, white supremacy fries.
As Canadian politicians and media explain that freedom is a white trait synonymous with white supremacy and terrorism, many voters are working hard to disassociate themselves with their freedom-loving countrymen and dangerous labels such as “individual choice.”
“When I was a kid, we actually called them ‘French fries,'” reminisced ancient millennial Sarah Porter. “So oppressive and white. I’m happy it finally has an unoffensive name. Freedom has to go.”
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced menu updates will soon be mandated by the federal government.
“Freedom fries are a threat to the safety and security of our nation. Any restaurant which does not comply will have their bank accounts frozen and owners arrested for domestic terrorism,” Trudeau said from an undisclosed location. “It’s for your health!”
Police are expected to obey and arrest citizens effective immediately.