Here’s your guide to an uber-woke Passover

Jews have been celebrating the Passover holiday for thousands of years since the Egyptian Exodus, and not much has changed since then. Every year it’s the same-old antiquated customs and traditions that Jews have been celebrating for millennia. With our society becoming increasingly woke in recent times, the holiday could use some nice leftist upgrading. To help you out, we’ve provided our readers this handy guide to an uber-woke Passover.

  • Don’t invite any white people to your meals. White people are an obvious non-starter.
  • If you act out scenes from the Egyptian Exodus, make sure all the actors are Egyptian; otherwise, it’s cultural appropriation.
  • Wear an “Egyptian Lives Matter” t-shirt at your meal.
  • Cancel the Pharaoh for once owning slaves.
  • Protest against Egypt for not allowing transgender men into women’s sports and locker rooms.
  • Protest against Egypt for not ‘feminizing’ its military. Don’t worry – the U.S. Military has your support.
  • Burn down the Egyptian Pyramids since they’re monuments of slavery. Maybe get some Antifa guys to help out since they’re very experienced with burning stuff.
  • When discussing the plague of darkness, remind everyone that it wouldn’t have happened had there been a Green New Deal.
  • Emphasize that the ten plagues were the direct result of man-made climate change.
  • Remind everyone that the fatalities from the ten plagues could have been prevented if everyone had worn masks and socially distanced.

Well, that’s it folks. That’s the list. Oh, and there’s one more very important thing we should mention – don’t forget to smear your vegetarian or vegan food on the doorpost of your house. G-D will surely see how woke you are and will pass over your house, sparing you from certain death.


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