Hillary Clinton has officially entered the 2020 presidential race after the entire Democratic field were sidelined with heart attacks.
“I will begrudgingly take up the torch for the Democratic nomination now that all 12 of my opponents have surprisingly been taken out due to heart trouble,” Clinton said in a press conference.
The campaign expressed its shock and sadness for such an unprecedented number of surprise heart attacks in people who are associated with the Clintons.
“We’ve known many people who have had surprise heart trouble over the years and when I’m elected president I will make it a priority to increase the funding for heart disease research,” Clinton added.
Having learned her lesson about calling half of the potential electorate “deplorable,” Clinton will be running on the position that now 70% of America are deplorable.
Clinton was heard offering Bernie Sanders some hope: “Just be glad you didn’t commit suicide!”