JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump

0
young-democratic-influencers

In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the “Brave Democrats” – comprised of Harry Sisson, David Hogg, and the Krassenstein brothers – have taken self-sacrifice to a new level. In a bold statement against the re-election of Donald Trump as the 47th President of the United States, they have reportedly removed their own testicles.

The ceremony, held in a nondescript park in Washington D.C., was described as both a literal and metaphorical neutering of what they call “Trump’s toxic masculinity.”

“We felt it was the only way to truly express our dissent,” said a visibly pained Harry Sisson from his hospital bed, where he was recovering from the procedure. “If we can’t change the system, we’ll at least change ourselves, in the most literal sense.”

David Hogg, known for his activism following the Parkland shooting, chimed in with, “This is our ultimate act of resistance. We’ve turned the phrase ‘cutting off the balls of the patriarchy’ into something very real.”

The Krassenstein brothers, less eloquent due to the effects of anesthesia, simply nodded in agreement, their pained expressions speaking volumes.

Some have gone even further in their protest as started the #JumpAgainstTrump movement of jumping off tall buildings in protest of the Orange Man.

Medical professionals, who wish to remain anonymous, were shocked at the request but complied, citing the First Amendment right to protest, albeit in an unconventional way. “I’ve never seen dedication like this,” said one nurse. “But I hope this isn’t a new trend.”

Political analysts are divided on the impact of this protest. Some see it as a profound symbol of commitment to their cause, while others argue it’s a misdirected effort that might only serve to provide comedic material for late-night TV hosts.

The Trump campaign issued a brief statement saying, “We applaud any form of political expression, though we suggest less… permanent methods in the future.”

Critics of the act, including some from within the Democratic party, have expressed concern over the long-term effects on the individuals involved and the message it sends to younger activists. “There’s bravery, and then there’s this,” remarked one Democratic strategist. “I hope this doesn’t become the new standard for political activism.”

In the meantime, the “Brave Democrats” are planning a national tour to discuss their experience, titled “The Neuter-ality of Politics.” They aim to enlighten the public on the severe lengths one might go to for political protest, though one wonders if their message will be heard over the laughter.

Loading

About Author

Congratulations!

You made it through the woke censors to see this post. Sign up below to get more funny directly to your inbox!

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.