WASHINGTON DC—Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has revealed she is to take the presidency of the United States on February 02 or 02-02-2022.
“The deity, Itzamna foretold of my ascension millennia ago. In my first 10,000 days, I will bask in the glory of my worshipers and sacrifices of blood and taxes will consume all conservatives. I will pardon President Biden for all his crimes and to insure a smooth transition, have tasked my replacement, Vice President Jill Biden, with the hoarding of treasure and the destruction of my arch-nemesis, the Supreme Court.”
The response from Joe Biden, “C’mon man, Kamala’s a hoot… she’s not gonna Corn Pop me. Besides, I think I replaced her with the actor, Wayne Brady on my ticket months ago so I don’t know what this is about. Look, here’s the deal, I’m the ‘Big Guy’ now and I’m gonna lead my scouts and we’re gonna win some merit badges. Now, I have also got to start divorce proceedings and Jill is gonna be replaced by my CAT interns. I mean, she ain’t black anyway.”