WASHINGTON DC—Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee used a little-known rule Wednesday to delay the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett several days: The witch-burning rule, which was used in the confirmation hearing of Brett Kavanaugh.
After days of grasping at straws about Barrett’s impeccable record, leading Democrats turned to the rule as a way to finally settle all arguments.
“The real question is whether Barrett is a witch, and how do we know if he’s a witch?” Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar said, clutching a torch and pitchfork during Wednesday’s tense hearing.
Connecticut Sen. Richard Blumenthal said, “She turned me into a newt.” But even the Democrats seemed dubious about Blumenthal’s claim because there were some slight differences between the senator and a newt.
That’s when Klobuchar brought up the witch-burning rule.
“Well, what do we do with witches?” she followed, upon which her fellow Democrats yelled, “We burn them!”
“Why do witches burn?” Klobuchar asked.
After a dramatic pause, New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker said, “Because they’re made of wood.”
“And how do we know if she’s made of wood?” Klobuchar continued.
“We burn ‘er!” the Democratic mob yelled.
“We could build a bridge out of her,” Delaware Sen. Chris Coons offered as an alternative, but, by that point, the Democrats had already lifted Barrett’s body out of her chair and proceeded to a nearby pyre.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi added that it’s basic procedure. “We have to light her on fire to see if she burns. Otherwise, we won’t know if she’s a witch,” she said. Pelosi then released an eerie cackle before shaking a broomstick at the press core.
Barrett has consistently denied being a witch, which proves she is a witch.