U.S.—The nation’s liberals are protesting the Internet giant Amazon.com for doing exactly what everyone wants it to do: provide countless quality products at low costs.
“I mean, sure, I’m wearing clothes I bought off of Amazon and listening to an NPR podcast on a device I bought from Amazon,” said one critic, “but, a single company shouldn’t be able to provide so much great stuff. There must be something shady going on.”
The protest started when news broke that CEO Jeff Bezos and the company pay $0 in federal taxes. So, a bunch of liberals quickly took to the Internet to buy a bunch of stuff on Amazon so they could protest the company they were buying things from.
“I live like Louis XIV because of Amazon,” said one liberal customer from Bakersfield, CA. “Surely, someone should be paying exorbitant taxes because of that.”
Company officials claim that the reason they pay so little in federal taxes is that they spend most of their profits on reinvestment, which is tax-deductible. They also pay plenty of state and local taxes, as well as payroll taxes.
But liberals aren’t buying it.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Prime,” said one liberal from Seattle, WA. “But if Amazon is allowed to be so successful, that means that Capitalism works. And I don’t think I can handle that.”