Local man fervently prays God to reconsider promise to never flood the earth again

It started with a fairly benign Facebook post that hashtagged ‘love is love’, but that was the final straw for the law abiding patriot and general good guy, Walt Wilkins.

His claim is he has “had it up to here”–while pointing above his head– “of my friends and family’s abject failure to understand the history of the rainbow before it was co-opted by the whole Fortune 500.

“It was literally a promise not to flood the planet again after Noah built his ark and followed God’s commands. Now they just slap it on a corporate logo and say it means pride. Pride was the original sin that got us all into this mess, you know?”

Walt then did the only thing he knows to do when confronted with unreflective groupthink, he got down on his knees and prayed. “I just thought that maybe God could fix this all if He would maybe unleash one more flood and remind us all what the rainbow is really about.”

As of the time of publishing, there have been no other global floods.