TRENTON, NJ—In a revelation that has both amused and baffled New Jersey residents, government officials have finally cracked the case of the mysterious drones that have been buzzing over the Garden State. According to General Hesa Fatmann, the drones, or rather, UFOs, were not engaged in surveillance or alien tourism but were in fact orbiting former Governor Chris Christie, mistaking him for their home planet.

“Yep, it’s true,” General Fatmann declared at a press conference, surrounded by a mix of skeptics and those trying to stifle laughter. “We didn’t know for sure if this phenomena was strictly due to Christie’s girth until confirmation came when Hollywood reported UFOs orbiting around Rosie O’Donnell.”

The connection between Christie and O’Donnell, both known for their robust physical presence, has led to a new theory in extraterrestrial studies: perhaps these aliens are not just looking for intelligent life but are also homesick for a planet that looks like one of their own.

A New Dawn in Alien Diplomacy:

This revelation has led to an unprecedented shift in how the U.S. government approaches alien encounters. Instead of deploying military assets, there’s talk of setting up a special task force, humorously dubbed “Operation Big Buddy,” aimed at using figures like Christie and O’Donnell as bait to lure and communicate with these extraterrestrial visitors.

Chris Christie, for his part, seemed both flattered and bewildered by the attention. “I always knew I had a certain gravitational pull,” he quipped during an interview, “but I didn’t think it extended to space travel.”

The Scientific Community Reacts:

Scientists are now scrambling to understand the implications. “This could explain a lot of UFO sightings,” said Dr. Astro Nomical, a leading astrophysicist. “Maybe all this time, aliens have just been looking for their kin among us. It’s not about intelligence; it’s about mass.”

However, not everyone is laughing. Some in the scientific community are concerned about the potential for misinterpretation. “What if aliens think we’re all this size?” worried one biologist. “They might see Earth as some sort of all-you-can-eat buffet planet.”

About Author