LOS ANGELES — In a bold reimagining of history, Netflix announced the release of its latest documentary, Christopher Columbus: The First African American, a genre-bending exploration of the 15th-century explorer’s “hidden” identity. The series has already ignited cultural conversations and triggered what some historians are calling “extremely necessary outrage.”

A ‘Revolutionary’ Take on History

The eight-part documentary, produced by Ava DuVernay and narrated by Jaden Smith, suggests that Columbus’s Italian identity was a colonial conspiracy and that the explorer, in fact, identified as a Black, gender-nonconforming African American long before the concept even existed.

“Columbus wasn’t just a navigator—he was navigating his own identity in a world that wasn’t ready for him,” said DuVernay. “In a sense, he was the Rosa Parks of the ocean.”

The documentary traces Columbus’s life from his “racially fluid childhood in Genoa” to his brave decision to ‘discover’ the Americas while oppressed by his contemporaries’ narrow views on identity and exploration. The filmmakers claim Columbus endured microaggressions from King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, who repeatedly mispronounced his preferred name, “Chrissy.”

Academics Divided Over New Historical Evidence

The film cites “groundbreaking research” from sources as diverse as TikTok influencers, astrological charts, and vibes, asserting that Columbus was part of the African diaspora through a process Netflix refers to as “ancestral energy transference.” While historians have balked at these claims, the film’s producers dismiss critics as “stuck in colonial narratives.”

“When you really think about it,” said lead researcher Dr. Imari Moonstone (they/them), “if Columbus ever had a tan, that means he was part of the Black experience. We have to decolonize the way we look at sunscreen.”

Columbus’s Brave Voyage for Social Justice

The series portrays Columbus’s journey as a social justice quest, reframing the conquest of the Caribbean as “an early attempt to establish safe spaces.” Episode 3 focuses on Columbus’s struggle to introduce community-driven capitalism to indigenous peoples, with reenactments of him emotionally handing out “All Lives Matter” bracelets to confused Taíno villagers.

Episode 6 explores how Columbus pioneered anti-racist sailing techniques, naming his flagship the Santa Maria to honor his imagined Afro-Caribbean heritage.

Critical Reception: Dividing Audiences and Critics

Not surprisingly, the release has sparked controversy. Netflix subscribers were asked to select their racial identity before streaming the documentary, with white viewers receiving a trigger warning that the content may cause them to experience “colonial guilt and identity displacement.”

Conservatives immediately blasted the documentary as “an assault on historical accuracy”, with Senator Ted Cruz tweeting: “Next they’ll tell us Abraham Lincoln was a French mime.” Meanwhile, progressive activists hailed the documentary as “long-overdue representation” and demanded Columbus statues be replaced with murals of him wearing a dashiki and an Obama Hope pin.

Netflix: Committed to Changing the Narrative

Netflix spokesperson Rainn Clover (ze/zir) defended the documentary’s creative liberties:

“We’re not rewriting history; we’re liberating it from centuries of oppressive facts,” Clover said. “If we don’t see Christopher Columbus as a Black man in 2024, then how will we see Beyoncé as queen in 2124?”

In a post-credits interview, Columbus himself was reanimated through AI and deepfaked into giving a tearful apology for his role in colonialism: “I just wanted to find spices, but all I found was privilege.”

What’s Next?

Encouraged by the buzz surrounding Christopher Columbus: The First African American, Netflix has announced a follow-up series titled “George Washington: Nonbinary Icon,” featuring in-depth speculation about the Founding Father’s preferred pronouns and drag persona.

“This is only the beginning,” Clover promised. “Netflix will continue breaking new ground until every problematic figure in history is reimagined as part of a marginalized community—or canceled altogether.”

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