NFL plays anthem for every ethnicity on Earth before first game to promote unity

In response to the increased racial tension in America, the NFL opened its first game with the white national anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, followed by the black national anthem, Lift Every Voice and Sing.

Rather than enjoy the game while placated however, many fans booed the decision which forced the cameras to cut to commercial. The NFL immediately responded to such criticism by playing the national anthems of every ethnic group in the world.

“I heard the boos, the complaints,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, “And I realized that we truly need to be more inclusive, as opposed to throwing a figurative bone at blacks and whites. So what did I do? I had my people immediately book zoom musicians of every race in America and had them play their anthems!”

Goodell also informed us that encouraging 74 different anthems is great for promoting unity.

The songs for each people group in America were played at a relatively brisk pace and only delayed the start of the game by 15 hours.

“I am overjoyed about this move toward unity by the NFL,” said Elizabeth Warren, who sung the Navajo anthem.

Ratings for the first game of the 2020 NFL season remain unclear as the majority of viewers fell asleep somewhere between the Chinese anthem sung by LeBron James and the Vietnamese anthem sung by Megan McCain.

No comment was offered as to why the French singers performed their entire song with their noses in the air.

Black Americans who have hesitated to vote for Biden in this year’s election commented that they are unsure of whether or not to feel included in the NFL’s attempt to unify our nation.

In spite of the response and overwhelming use of resources however, the NFL has drawn further criticism as skeptics say the anthems of different races will never unite Americans.


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