Oscars now require Best Picture nominees to have at least 1 scene with a living turd

Ahead of the #OscarsSoWhite controversy’s fifth anniversary, the Academy has announced a new set of inclusion requirements films must meet to be awards-eligible.

To be eligible for best picture, films must meet the standards of two out of four categories laid out in a press release on Tuesday: “Onscreen Representation, Themes and Narratives,” “Creative Leadership and Project Team,” “Industry Access and Opportunities” and “Does It Have a Human Turd In It?”

Recent best picture nominees including “1917” and “The Irishman” may have struggled to meet the new onscreen standards that will require at least one of the following criterion to be met: each film nominated for Best Picture must have at least one scene of at least 5 minutes focusing on a living turd.

“Our best picture nominees have often been figurative piles of sh*t,” said the Academy Director of Diversity Frank Flintstone. “Now, they will literally have a pile a sh*t in them.”

This is a boon for the only living turd known in the United States, Chet, who starred in the ’80s popular film Weird Science. Chet has gone on to a career in politics, but this new Academy regulation will surely bring him back into popularity among producers.

“This is a very difficult guideline to meet as a creator,” producer and director Martin Scorcese said. “But, it’s for the good of the industry. We don’t want angry mobs burning down movie theaters because there wasn’t a living turd in every movie now do we?”