PETA Braces for Busy Gerbil Sales Month
PETA has announced that it is bracing for a busy Gerbil Awareness Month campaign blitz, as the animal rights organization seeks to protect the furry creatures from the ravages of consumerism and exploitation.
“Gerbils, as you know, are entering into their busiest month, and we need to protect those little creatures,” said gerbil aficionado and PETA spokesperson, Rich Gere, in a recent press release. “For some odd reason, gerbil sales in the month of June skyrocket. It’s almost like when firework sales spike right before the 4th of July. We just can’t figure out why so many gerbils are sold in June, then sales crater until next June.”
Despite the backlash, PETA remains defiant, and the organization has petitioned to make June “Gerbil Awareness Month”. However, the move has not been without controversy, and many people are calling for the organization to respect the sanctity of June as “Gay Pride Month”.
“June is ‘Gay Pride Month’, and it is NOT to be shared with any other causes,” said gay pride month creator and transgender activist, Dick Hyder, in a recent interview. “We have worked too hard to achieve recognition and acceptance for our community, and we will not stand idly by while PETA tries to co-opt our movement for its own purposes.”
Despite the controversy, marketing experts are trying to get Hyder to change his/her stance, arguing that the combination of gerbil awareness and gay pride is a match made in heaven.
“It’s a match made in heaven,” said marketing guru, Donny Deutsch, in a recent interview. “I can see the commercial and ad campaign, right now. Imagine, ‘You got a gerbil in your asshole…'”.
In the end, only time will tell whether PETA’s Gerbil Awareness Month campaign will prove successful, or whether it will go down in history as yet another example of the organization’s willingness to throw mud at anyone who dares to express an opinion that differs from their own. But one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish campaign is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and political opportunists, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to take down one’s enemies is to simply make things up as one goes along.
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