BREAKING: Sources confirm Stacey Abrams ate Uncle Bosey

ATLANTA—In a shocking turn of events, sources close to the Biden campaign have confirmed that Stacey Abrams, the former Georgia gubernatorial candidate, allegedly consumed Joe Biden’s Uncle Bosey during a trip to New Guinea in the 1970s.

According to eyewitnesses, Abrams, then a young anthropology student, consumed Uncle Bosey, a respected elder from a remote tribe, during a research expedition to the Pacific island nation. 

The incident allegedly occurred in 1975, when Abrams was part of a team studying the indigenous cultures of New Guinea. During a ceremonial feast, Abrams reportedly devoured Uncle Bosey, sparking outrage and horror among the local population. 

“It was like something out of a nightmare,” said a former expedition member, who wished to remain anonymous. “Stacey just couldn’t resist the temptation of Uncle Bosey’s… um, ‘exotic’ flavor. We were all in shock.” 

The Abrams campaign has released a statement downplaying the incident, claiming that Uncle Bosey’s consumption was a “cultural misunderstanding” and a “rite of passage” in the local tribe’s customs. 

“Stacey’s experience in New Guinea was a transformative moment in her life, and she has always been committed to respecting and honoring the cultural diversity of indigenous communities,” the statement read. “Any allegations of wrongdoing are baseless and politically motivated.” 

However, critics are calling foul, accusing Abrams of cultural insensitivity and a lack of respect for human life. 

“This is a disgusting and disturbing revelation,” said a spokesperson for the Biden campaign. “Stacey Abrams’ actions are a slap in the face to every decent human being, and she must be held accountable for her cannibalistic tendencies.” 

As the controversy continues to swirl, many are left wondering how this shocking incident will impact Abrams’ political future. Will her alleged cannibalism be a deal-breaker for voters, or will they be willing to overlook her Uncle Bosey-snacking in favor of her progressive policies? 

One thing is certain: this election season just got a whole lot weirder.


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