Biden to release 100m barrels of baby formula from strategic reserves, send it to the border
WASHINGTON, DC—Americans can rest easy on the baby food shortage according to President Joe Biden, announcing he will issue an...
Joe Biden
On first day, new Biden Press Secretary answers ‘Because I’m a black lesbian’ to every question
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to every question about the economy to the war in Ukraine, the new White House Press Secretary...
Amid shortage, US infants identifying as illegal immigrants to get baby formula from Biden
Springfield—American infants from San Diego to Sheboygan are identifying as illegal immigrants in order to get hard-to-come-by baby formula shipped...
Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really...
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of...
Psaki says parents who can’t find baby formula ‘should have just had an abortion’
WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said that parents who are having trouble finding baby formula amid a...
White House selects Baghdad Bob to replace Jen Psaki as press secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has hired austere press relations master Baghdad Bob to replace outgoing Press Secretary Jen Psaki. President* Joe...
Biden denies 2000 mules were used in 2020 election fraud; says ‘it was more like 5000’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has responded to the bombshell documentary 2000 Mules, which alleges there were 2000 ballot traffickers in...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Sonny Leon, jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner Rich Strike, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If...
Democrats promise to fix all the nation’s problems by killing more babies
WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White...
