Quarantined Joe Biden grows mustache so he can continue sniffing hair
WASHINGTON, DC – Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been quarantined and staffers for his campaign
The Petty Prophet
The Petty Prophet is a shadowy figure and a reporter-at-large for Genesius Times. Little is known about him, but he's most likely a straight white male. Ew. You should probably disavow everything he writes if you know what's good for you. Follow at www.thepettyprophet.com
Elon Musk’s Mars volunteer list overwhelmed by Dutch Puritans trying to leave the planet
HAWTHORNE, CA- Elon Musk has announced that Space X will no longer be taking volunteers
Voters split about whether they want breadlines and gulags in America just yet
GOSHEN, IN – With Bernie Sanders cleaning up in the democratic primaries, voters around the
Buttigieg eats grapefruit by stabbing it with scissors and vacuuming the contents out with a straw
SOUTH BEND, IN – Pete Buttigieg came under criticism by pouncing Republicans this week after
Purple cyclops community praises Pixar for embracing diversity
ATLANTA, GA—The Society for the Inclusion of One-eyed Purple People (SIOOPP) is praising Disney Pixar
Satan opens 10th circle of Hell where all you do is install car seats in minivans all day
In an ongoing effort to increase the misery of millions of damned souls, Satan has
Hero of the Christian faith writes ‘Soli Deo Gloria’ after all his inane Facebook posts
PHOENIX, AZ—Barnabas White, a local 13-point Calvinist from Sola Scriptura Veritas Ordo Salutis Church in
Bernie assures public that his ‘re-education camps’ will be tuition-free
WASHINGTON, DC—In the wake of devastating footage from Project Veritas, showing Bernie Sanders campaign workers accidentally revealing
Nation’s brooms glad to finally be recognized for their other talents
BALTIMORE MD—Broom Union Representatives from the Maryland Broom Company are marking yesterday as a historic
Feminists fear rapidly growing Christian Church in Iran may turn the country into The Handmaid’s Tale
PORTLAND, OR – American feminists are sounding the alarm over a rapidly growing and oppressive