After years of combating what he calls the “fake news network” CNN and suggesting that the government needs a state-run news network, President Donald Trump has killed two birds with one stone.

He has bought a majority of the network and donated it to the federal government to convert it to the Great News Network.

“The first course of action will be to reassign Jim Acosta to the childhood birthday party beat,” spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee said. “He will be forced to participate in the dunk tank regularly.”

Trump has been tweeting about the network for months, stating:

“Something has to be done, including the possibility of the United States starting our own Worldwide Network to show the World the way we really are, GREAT!” Trump said.

“Trump was able to defeat his rival CNN and create a propaganda machine all in one fell swoop,” Huckabee said.

The slogan for the new network is, “We have the best news. It’s tremendous. It really is. Best in the world.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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