UNITED STATES—The Department of Justice has indicted former President Donald Trump for the assassination of President William McKinley on September 6, 1901.

“We have overwhelming evidence that President Trump assassinated President McKinley,” a spokesman for the department said. “This was premeditated murder. If convicted, President Trump could face either life in prison or the death penalty.”

The Justice Department is also considering indicting Trump for the assassination of President James Garfield on July 2, 1881.

We’ll provide further updates as more information comes in.

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Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

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