Trump politely asks CIA snipers to not murder him while he is golfing, thanks
In a move of pure presidential class, Donald Trump has taken to social media to make a simple, yet heartfelt request: that the CIA refrain from attempting to murder him while he’s on the golf course.
“Look, I understand, the CIA’s gotta do what it’s gotta do. It’s part of the deep state, very complicated stuff, but could we not try the whole ‘sniper thing’ while I’m trying to sink a birdie on the 9th hole?” Trump tweeted early Thursday morning. “It’s just rude, folks. Very rude. Golf is a gentleman’s game. Thanks.”
Trump, well-known for his passion for golf and putting in more hours on the green than most full-time athletes, expressed particular frustration at being targeted during his “executive time.” “You don’t see them trying to take out LeBron James while he’s dunking, do you? It’s a disgrace.”
The polite plea from the former president follows reports of two failed assassination attempts by CIA snipers who allegedly couldn’t hit a sand trap, let alone the leader of the MAGA movement. Trump’s laid-back attitude, however, has left many in Washington impressed with his grace under fire—literally.
CIA officials have remained tight-lipped about Trump’s public request, with spokesperson Nev R. Trumper declining to comment on the failed operations but admitting, “It’s true—he’s a tough guy to hit. Something about the reflective surfaces on that golf cart or the fact that he never stops moving between the holes.”
Sources say Trump might soon put up “No Sniping” signs around his golf courses, though insiders claim he’s considering adding “Make Assassinations Great Again” to his next line of hats, just to keep things interesting.
“All I’m asking is for a little respect,” Trump said in a follow-up statement. “You want to try something, fine, just don’t interrupt my back swing. Show some class, guys.”
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