MANCHESTER, UK—Police have bravely broken up a horrifying gang of 10-year-olds celebrating a birthday in a private garden.
“This was an egregious violation of all that we hold sacred under the new normal,” Chief Constable Jerry Prickface said in a conference announcing the heroism. “Our officers bravely went into the lion’s den and shut that party down.”
A Twitter user appearing to be a family friend said that it was a girl’s 10th birthday and the kids were about to bring out the cake when the police interrupted.
“There were no masks. They weren’t social distancing. They were having fun. It was a apocalyptical scene from a dystopia!” Prickface said.
The special forces team were respectful and made sure to only shoot one of the girl’s dogs and arrest only one parent. Unfortunately for the little girl, that one parent was her single mom.
“These horrific crimes need to be stopped in order to preserve the new normal and keep people terrified. This had to happen,” Prickface added.
Manchester is currently on the government’s COVID-19 watch list because it has the sixth highest number of cases per 100,000 people.